"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
