The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
