i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
