watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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