Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
