see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
