JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
