happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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