just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
