Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
