Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
