ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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