Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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