honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Small penises have feelings too.
she smelled like a LAN party
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need a burrito and a hug.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
