Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize