I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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