clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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