yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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