sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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