I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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