I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
