Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
