I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
