You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
