She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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