Me. At least after what I've been through.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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