I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
