My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize