Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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