Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm too high and old for this...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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