Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
