So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
