That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
