So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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