Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
