i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
