by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
