Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
