it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize