you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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