Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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