I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
