You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
