chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
