So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
