forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
