Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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