I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
