so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
