In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
