My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize