remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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