I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's rum buckets o'clock
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
