I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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