I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
