i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think i scared a bird with my dick
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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