I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize