We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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