when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
