Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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