my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
