Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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