420 ftw
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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