haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
