just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
do herpes really smell.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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