just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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