is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
