just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
