I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
