community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
