I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
where am i from again
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
