I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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