Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Of course I have a pirate flag
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
