I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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