a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Randomize
