I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
