you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
