all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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