He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
