And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my shit smells like andre
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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