We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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