we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
