she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
