yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
