I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
