I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
