Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
