If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
