i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
