he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
