I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
