i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
