The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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