I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just gargled with NyQuil
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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